Premature ejaculation (PE) means ejaculating sooner than you or your partner would like, with little sense of control, in a way that causes distress. In Hindi it is often called शीघ्रपतन. The NHS describes it as a common ejaculation problem, and says occasional episodes are normal and not a cause for concern. If it happens often and bothers you, help is available.
Lifelong or recent?
Doctors often ask whether PE has been there since your first sexual experiences, or started later after a time without it. This helps them think about the likely causes. A change that comes on later, or comes with other symptoms, is a good reason to see a doctor.
What causes premature ejaculation?
Often it is a mix of things. The NHS lists:
- Psychological causes: anxiety about sexual performance, especially early in a new relationship; stress; depression; and relationship problems.
- Physical causes: prostate problems, an overactive or underactive thyroid, and using recreational drugs.
Some men also link it to years of hurried experiences, for example when there was little privacy at home, or to worry about erections.
See a doctor for a physical check
A general physician, urologist or sexual health doctor can check for physical causes, especially if PE started recently, comes with pain or problems passing urine, or appears alongside erection problems. Medical treatments exist, and a doctor can explain whether any would suit you. Don’t buy tablets, sprays or “herbal” remedies online without a doctor’s advice.
How counselling helps
Psychosexual counselling, a talking therapy for sexual problems, can help on its own or alongside medical treatment. Your therapist may:
- explain how arousal builds, so you can recognise the point just before control is lost;
- teach techniques the NHS describes, such as the stop-start and squeeze methods, which you practise privately at home and which take regular practice;
- help with the anxiety that speeds things up, using cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and breathing and relaxation skills;
- widen the focus beyond intercourse, which often lowers the pressure on both partners;
- help you and your partner talk about it without blame.
Sessions are conversations in clinical language. Nothing explicit happens in a session, and you never need to show anything on camera.
Your first counselling session
The therapist will ask how long this has been happening, whether it happens every time, how much it bothers you and your partner, your general health and any medicines, and whether you have seen a doctor. You can answer in plain words, and you don’t need to give explicit detail. They will explain what is known about PE, which often eases a lot of worry straight away, and agree a simple plan with you. If a physical check is needed, they will say so.
Everyday things that help
- Practise the techniques regularly and patiently; the NHS notes that they take lots of practice.
- Work on general stress and sleep, since tension in daily life often follows you into the bedroom.
- Avoid using alcohol or recreational drugs to “help”; recreational drugs are among the physical causes the NHS lists.
- Agree with your partner that a quick finish isn’t a failure, and that closeness doesn’t have to end there.
Should my partner be involved?
It often helps. Partners may feel frustrated, or worry that they are the cause. A couple session lets you both understand what’s happening and agree how to practise the techniques together at home. You can also start on your own and invite your partner later.
In a new relationship or marriage
PE often feels most worrying early in a relationship, when nerves are high and you want things to go well. In the first months of a marriage, there may also be pressure from family about children. It helps to remember that the NHS links performance anxiety especially to new relationships, and that things can settle as you both become more relaxed together. If worry is building, talking to a counsellor early can stop it becoming a bigger problem.
How many sessions?
It varies. Some men find a few sessions of information and technique enough, with practice at home over the following weeks. If anxiety, strain in the relationship or depression is part of it, support may take longer. Your therapist will review progress with you.
About “permanent cure” promises
Many advertisements promise a permanent cure for PE, often with herbal or “secret” medicines. Be careful: nobody can promise that, and products of unknown content may be unsafe. In India, the Drugs and Magic Remedies (Objectionable Advertisements) Act, 1954 bans advertising medicines for improving sexual capacity. A proper check by a doctor, and counselling where it helps, are the safer place to start.
Privacy and choosing a provider
Receipts say “Counselling session” or “Doctor consultation”, and these services are for adults only. Profiles show gender, languages and fees. Therapists who list sexual health send proof of training, which our team checks. See our sexual health page for who to see, and our guide to sexologist vs sex therapist. If erections are also a worry, see erectile dysfunction counselling, and for joint sessions, couple counselling.
When to get urgent help
See a doctor promptly if you notice blood in your semen or urine, or pain when ejaculating. If worry about sex has turned into hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm, call Tele-MANAS on 14416, free and at any time, or 112 in an emergency.
