Premarital counselling is a short series of sessions with a trained counsellor before you marry, to talk about the things couples often avoid until they become problems. It isn’t a test you can fail, and the counsellor won’t tell you whether to marry. It is a calm, private space to understand each other’s expectations, whether yours is a love marriage, an arranged marriage or a second marriage.
Why couples choose premarital counselling
- You are marrying soon and want to start on a strong footing.
- Yours is an arranged match and you want to know each other beyond the formal meetings.
- You come from different religions, castes, regions or countries, and want to plan how to handle family expectations.
- One of you is moving to a new city or country for the marriage.
- A few disagreements already keep coming back.
- You feel anxious about marriage, about living with in-laws, or about intimacy.
Topics to discuss before marriage
Counsellors usually cover the areas below. You choose what matters most to you.
- Money: who earns, how you will save and spend, loans, and supporting parents or siblings.
- Family and in-laws: where you will live, how much say each family will have, and expectations around visits and festivals.
- Roles at home: cooking, chores, caring for elders, and whose career comes first if one of you has to move.
- Children: whether you want them, when, how many, and what you would do if it takes time.
- Intimacy and sex: hopes, worries and how you will talk about it. Many people never had sex education, so questions here are normal, and sexual health support is available privately if you need it.
- Health: any physical or mental health condition, medicines or family history, and when and how to share it.
- Faith and culture: rituals, food, festivals and how you would raise children.
- Conflict: how each of you behaves when upset, and how you will make up after an argument.
- Habits and boundaries: alcohol, phones, friends, time apart and past relationships.
Premarital counselling questions to ask each other
You can start the conversation at home. These questions often come up in sessions:
- What did you see in your parents’ marriage that you want to repeat, and what do you want to do differently?
- How do you behave when you are angry or hurt, and what helps you calm down?
- How much time do you expect to spend with each other’s families?
- Who will manage money day to day, and how will we decide on big expenses?
- What will we do if one of us gets a job offer in another city or country?
- When, if ever, do you want children, and who will look after them?
- How will we talk about sex and closeness if something isn’t working?
- What is one thing you are worried about that you haven’t said yet?
If a question leads to an argument rather than a conversation, that is useful information too. Bring it to a session.
Second marriages and blended families
If one or both of you have been married before, or have children, premarital counselling can help you talk about how the children will be included, how to handle a former partner, money and inheritance, and the hopes and fears you bring from before. Taking time over these conversations helps everyone, especially the children.
How premarital counselling works on Mindara
You can come together through a couple session. One of you books and pays once, invites the other, and you both join the same video room, even if you live in different cities or countries. Couple sessions are new on Mindara, so look for “Couple session” among a provider’s session options. Read how couple sessions work.
You can also start alone. This suits people who feel unsure about the marriage, under pressure from family, or anxious about something they want to talk through privately first.
What happens in the first session
The counsellor asks how you met, where you are with wedding plans, and what each of you hopes to get from the sessions. Some give you each a short set of questions to answer separately, then look at where your answers match and where they don’t. Differences are expected. The aim is to talk about them now, while things are calm. For a step-by-step guide, read what happens in couples therapy.
How many sessions?
Many couples find a short series of sessions enough to cover the main topics, often spread over a few weeks before the wedding. Some come back for a check-in during the first year of marriage. Your counsellor will suggest a plan once they understand what you want to cover, and you can change it.
Arranged marriages and getting to know each other
In an arranged marriage you may have had only a few conversations, often with family close by. Premarital counselling gives you a structured, private way to talk about the subjects that are awkward to raise over tea: money, intimacy, health, careers and how much your families will be involved. A neutral person guiding the conversation can make it easier to be honest.
When to get individual help first
Book a one-to-one session instead of a joint one if you feel pressured or forced into the marriage, if you are afraid of your partner or their family, or if you are struggling with anxiety, low mood or past trauma. Nobody should be made to marry against their will. If you are in danger, call 112. Women can also call the free Women Helpline 181 at any time.
Cost and languages
Fees are set by each counsellor and shown on their profile; the current range for this topic is near the top of this page. A couple session is one fee for both of you. Read what affects the cost of couple counselling. If you would like sessions in Hindi, browse Hindi-speaking providers; each card lists the languages a provider speaks.
