Papa has stopped going for his evening walk. He forgets what you told him yesterday and gets irritated when you remind him. Mummy says he is "just getting old". You are not so sure.
Changes like these worry many families. They can come from depression, from early dementia, from a physical problem, or from a mix of these. You do not need to work out the answer yourself. But noticing clearly what has changed, and since when, helps the doctor a great deal. This guide and its checklist are meant for exactly that. They are not a diagnosis.
Signs an elderly parent needs help
Whatever the cause, these are good reasons to arrange a check-up or a conversation with a professional:
- Low mood, tearfulness or irritability lasting more than two weeks.
- Losing interest in things they used to enjoy.
- Changes in sleep, appetite or weight.
- Forgetting recent conversations, repeating questions, losing things often.
- Getting lost on familiar roads or confused about the day or time.
- Trouble with money, bills, medicines or cooking that they managed well before.
- Pulling away from family, friends or religious and community life.
- Saying they are a burden, or talking about death.
- Seeing or hearing things that are not there, or new strong suspicions, for example that someone is stealing from them.
How depression and dementia often look different
Doctors look at patterns like the ones below. They are tendencies, not rules. The two conditions can also happen together, and the WHO lists depression among the risk factors for dementia.
| What you notice | More often seen in depression | More often seen in dementia |
|---|---|---|
| How it started | Over weeks, often after a loss, illness or big change | Slowly over months or years; hard to say exactly when |
| Talking about memory | Complains a lot about poor memory; often answers "I don't know" | May not notice the problem, or may cover it up or make up an answer |
| Mood | Sad, hopeless, guilty, tearful most of the day | Mood may change, and loss of interest is common, but deep sadness is not always the main feature |
| Finding the way | Usually knows the way, just has no energy to go | May get lost or confused in familiar places |
| Daily tasks | Stops doing them because of low energy or interest | Struggles because they forget the steps, for example in cooking or paying bills |
| Words | Slow to answer, but the words are right | Trouble finding words, or uses the wrong word |
Other causes to rule out first
Memory and mood changes are not always depression or dementia. The NHS (UK) lists anxiety, infections that cause sudden confusion, an underactive thyroid and side effects of some medicines among other causes. Poor hearing or eyesight, poor sleep, too much alcohol, dehydration and recent grief can also make an older person seem confused or withdrawn. This is why the first step is usually a check-up with the family doctor, with blood tests and a review of every medicine your parent takes.
Sudden change is different. If confusion appears over hours or a few days, it can be a sign of an infection, a stroke or another emergency. Get medical help the same day, and call 112 if your parent cannot be woken properly, has a drooping face, a weak arm or slurred speech, or has had a fall with a head injury.
The checklist: what to note before you see a doctor
Print this page or copy the table into a notebook. For each line, write yes or no, roughly when it started, and one real example. Ask other family members what they have noticed too.
| Change | Yes / No | Since when? | Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| Low, sad or hopeless mood most days | |||
| Lost interest in hobbies, people or prayer | |||
| Sleeping much more or much less | |||
| Eating less, or weight loss | |||
| Forgets recent conversations or events | |||
| Repeats the same question or story | |||
| Loses things and blames others | |||
| Got lost or confused in a familiar place | |||
| Trouble with money, phone, medicines or cooking | |||
| Trouble finding words | |||
| Personality change: more suspicious, angry or withdrawn | |||
| Sees or hears things others do not | |||
| Safety worries: gas left on, door left open, wandering | |||
| Falls, new walking problems or loss of bladder control | |||
| Talks about being a burden or about death | |||
| Recent loss, illness, move or new medicine |
Take this, a list of all medicines (including any from other doctors or the chemist) and any recent reports to the appointment.
Who to consult
- Family doctor or physician: the first check-up, blood tests and a medicine review.
- Counsellor or psychologist: low mood, grief, loneliness, worry and adjusting to changes. See counselling for elderly parents.
- Psychiatrist: severe or long-lasting depression, mood and memory problems together, hallucinations or strong suspicions, and any decision about mental health medicine. You can browse psychiatrists who see older adults, by language.
- Neurologist: memory decline, getting lost, word-finding problems, or new problems with walking or movement.
An online consultation is a good place to start the conversation, review reports and plan next steps. Detailed memory tests and brain scans need a clinic visit. If depression seems the more likely answer, our article Depression is more than feeling sad and our page on depression counselling explain how help works.
What happens at a memory assessment?
Families are often anxious about this visit, but it is usually just a careful conversation and a few simple tests. The doctor will:
- Ask your parent, and you, about the changes, when they started and how they affect daily life.
- Ask about mood, sleep, appetite, alcohol and recent losses, to look for depression or other causes.
- Go through every medicine, as some can affect memory and alertness.
- Do a short memory and thinking test, with questions, drawing or remembering words.
- Order blood tests, and sometimes a brain scan, to rule out other causes.
The first conversation and the review of reports can often happen online. The memory tests, scans and physical examination are done in person.
Can depression and dementia happen together? Yes. Some people with early dementia also become depressed, and treating the depression can make daily life noticeably easier for them and for the family. This is one more reason not to accept "it's just old age" as the final answer.
How to bring it up with your parent
- Choose a calm, private time, not in front of guests or during an argument.
- Describe what you have seen, not a label: "You seemed confused about the bank yesterday, and you have not been sleeping well."
- Frame the visit as a general check-up, which many older people find easier to accept.
- Offer to go with them, or to join the first few minutes of an online appointment.
- Keep their dignity at the centre. Ask their opinion, and let them make the choices they can.
If it turns out to be dementia
A diagnosis is hard news, but it also opens the door to planning, support and care that fits. Families caring for someone with dementia often need help for themselves too. See support for dementia caregivers. If it turns out to be depression, the good news is that it often improves with counselling, and with medical treatment where needed. Many providers offer a free first session to help you take the first step.
When to get urgent help
Call 112 for sudden confusion, signs of a stroke, a serious fall, or if your parent talks about ending their life and you think they may act on it. Tele-MANAS (14416 or 1-800-891-4416) gives free mental health advice 24×7.
Written by the Mindara editorial team. Sources: WHO dementia fact sheet; NHS (UK) guidance on diagnosing dementia. This checklist does not diagnose. Checked on 19 October 2026.
